Getting into the Woods.

I need to get in the woods regularly.

For me, this is literal. I need to get out on dirt paths, or rocky ones, and walk in a space so thick with trees I can’t see any cars even if I can hear them. When I lived in NYC, it was hard at times for me to find this, though looking back I think I probably could have looked a little harder. When everything is an hour subway ride away, it’s hard to make yourself go, but I should have.

Why am I talking about the woods? Well, because I realized this morning I was in a bit of a fun yet again, and I couldn’t figure out why. Most of my routine has been the same the last couple of weeks as it normally is, but as I thought about it I realized there was one big change. I didn’t have a car the last two weeks. Our second vehicle has been in the shop since last Monday, and that means days my husband works from home are the only ones I’ve had a vehicle for two weeks. On those days we dialyze my mother with home hemodialysis, so between appointments and grocery shopping there really hasn’t been time left to just unplug and go for a hike.

In some places this wouldn’t be an issue, but where I live is not a walkable neighborhood. I take for granted the fact I can hop in my vehicle and drive 20 minutes to go for a hike, and forget that a lot of people who live here don’t have that same privilege. I guess this post is partially a reminder to me and anyone else who needs to here it; don’t take the little privileges of your daily life for granted. For me, that’s my car. For some it might be the public transit they can use with no problem, or living somewhere more walkable. Privilege can look different in different circumstances, and I just was hit with how truly privileged I am yet again this morning.

The other thing I’m hit with this morning is how much getting out of man-made structures and into some form on nature regularly is so important for the human body. It helps regulate your nervous system and clear your mind. In the place I hike most often, I don’t even have signal for my cell phone, so I can’t be reached for the 30-60 minutes I’m hiking. It’s nice to be able to unplug like that, and whether you do it with airplane mode or involuntarily it’s a good thing to occasionally be unreachable and a bit cut off from the world. That time with no push notifications or messages is glorious.

I’ve heard people use the phrase, “You need to touch grass.” a lot in online spaces in the last couple years, and I am hit by how true that statement is, even if it’s mostly being used flippantly online. To touch grass is to disconnect from the online world and be present in the physical one. It’s to feel soft dirt under your shoes and to look up at the branches and leaves above you while you take in the scenery. You know what touching grass does best though? It reminds us of how small and insignificant we are in the grand scheme of things. The place I hike has old growth trees in it. They’ve been there hundreds of years and will long outlast me. I’m physically small next to them, but I’m also young and fleeting. In the newest growth areas of most parks, the same can be said in every state I’ve lived in.

The reminder that I am small and fleeting is a good one to me. As I take in deep breaths of pine and fir scented air, I can relax about all the stress in my life for a moment, and remember that all the stress I’m feeling is also tiny and fleeting. No problem that I have today will affect me for the rest of my life. Can it make things harder for the a while? Yes. Could it affect things long-term that I can’t change? Yes. But the stress I feel in this moment about it will not be there forever, and at some point I will be able to accept that there is not anything I can do to change something so wholly removed from myself.

I think I needed this reminder this morning. I woke up sad and frustrated by something from the night before, and I had to take a deep breath and remind myself that living in past mistakes or issues or trauma would not do anything helpful for me. I have to move forward. I have to take that deep breath of tree scented air, and let go of a past I cannot change, no matter who that might hurt or upset. Dwelling on it fixes nothing and moving forward into the future having learned will. I may not be where I want to be in life or in my career, but where I am isn’t bad. It’s just different than the plan in my head.

I hope to be content with what I have and where I am, and I hope you can find that too.